Ledisi is all Heart & Soul

Last night my girl Vanessa and I were literally rocked to our soul by Eric Benet, Mint Condition and Ledisi, whose album I reviewed in the October-November issue of Heart & Soul magazine, currently on newsstands. Ledisi looked amazing, worked the crowd, and blew out some of her new songs as well as favorites like "In the Morning" and "Alright." She even did some fantastic Frankie Beverly. Her vocal acrobatics were impressive and soul touching.



Stokely Williams of Mint Condition showed why the band has been around for 20 years. He was all over the stage, ripping classics like "What Kind of Man," "You Send Me Swinging," and "Pretty Brown Eyes," and serenading the ladies with "Nothing Left to Say." We danced so hard to Mint Condition's jamming rendition of The Jackson's "Heartbreak Hotel" that my back was sore this morning. It was so great to see a real band. And Eric Benet closed the concert out with his smooth falsettos and romantic ballads. He even had the men in the audience singing. Watching real singers perform is so rare these days. I hope talent like this continues to get support.



I hope you get a chance to check out the newest issue of Heart & Soul with actress Tamala Jones on the cover. In the monthly Downtime column, I reviewed or previewed the films Precious with Mo'Nique and Good Hair with Chris Rock and Nelson George, autobiographies by Serena Williams and Sherri Shephard, and new DVDs featuring B. Smith's cooking, a family's survival of Hurricane Katrina, and Newark, New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker's term. If you pick up the issue or check out anything I reviewed, let me know what you think. I love feedback.

The Pumpkin Par-TAY

So my girl Terri and her husband Bryan had a pumpkin carving party last weekend for their daughter Ryan and a few friends. We had a blast, stenciling and carving pumpkins with funny faces, ghosts and owls! Kids dined on pizza and punch and the adults sipped on some muscadine wine - all that made for a real good time. Do something fun this season. Happy Fall Y'all! JD

Mos Def, Black Thought and Eminem Rip It!

Lets here it for real talented lyricists!

In Desperate Need

This may be TMI, but yesterday I was in a stall in the ladies room at work, and I looked down to see the bottoms of two shoes. At first I thought someone had left their shoes in the restroom, but the shoes were covering feet and there were legs that extended from the next stall into mine. Apparently someone was on their knees in the stall next to mine.

My initial reaction was why in the world would anybody kneel on the floor of a public restroom? And then I heard some fervent whispering. After a few seconds I realized that it was actually praying. Some woman in the stall next to me was in such desperate need of spiritual comfort and assistance that she knelt in the women's bathroom and was seeking the Lord's ear.

I didn't know what to think, and then I was moved—so moved, that right there I sent up a prayer to the Lord to help this woman with whatever she needed. Because whatever she needed, it must be urgent.

The woman continued praying as I left the stall and washed my hands. And she was still praying when I left the restroom. I have not been able to get her out of my mind. I looked at women's shoes for the rest of the day in my office to see if I could identify her. But I never found out who she was.

Listening to an NPR story this morning about the jobless economy, thinking about family member's illnesses and misfortunes, and just the challenges of life itself these days, I've been so appreciative of God's grace in my life.

Life is hard sometimes, and when things just seem unbearable, you might have get your spiritual needs taken care of immediately—even if it’s in a ladies restroom.

Cute: Baby on a Box!

Roy Ayers Funks It Up & Angela Winbush Has Still Got It

My girl Vanessa and I had such a blast last weekend at the 2nd Annual Bessie Smith Heritage Festival in Chattanooga, Tenn. ATL's Algebra rocked the stage before Angela Winbush worked the crowd (literally) and Roy Ayers and Tom Brown kept the grass dance floor grooving. I hadn't danced that much in a minute. What's so wonderful is that Angela is a survivor of stage 3 ovarian cancer! And she was clearly enjoyceinglife! The vendors were cool-copped a fabulous red hat and saw some amazing artists. Check out Jerry and Terry Lynn, twin brothers who created an incredible painting of Algebra on the spot. The two-hour drive from the Atlanta, inexpensive lodgings at the Marriott (walking distance from the fest), picturesque waterfall, and the $35 price tag for a full day of music made it a lovely quick get-away. Check it out next year. You won't be disappointed.

Amber Named Her Bear Tiger Woods

And then she took it back. Tonight after we read our bedtime story, Amber was naming all the characters on the back of her book and she decided she was going to name a bear Tiger Woods, who she watched lose terribly with her grandparents on Sunday. Then she changed her mind and said that the bear was not Tiger Woods because Tiger Woods was gone. I asked her where he went and she said, "He's gone on TV."

Who can argue with that?

When I tried to say goodnight, she told me that I could not leave because I was stuck and she was holding me too tight. Needless to say I made it out.

From putting together puzzles and being able to spell her name, to tracing the days of the week and telling me that green means go and red means stop at traffic lights, this 3 ft, 28 lb, 3-year-old wonder is embracing learning in such an amazing way.

A dizzying few days of urgent discussions resulting in a last minute decision to move her to a new school several weeks ago actually left me feeling at bit on the insecure side about my parenting skills.

But the past few days have been eye opening for me as I've witnessed how she's being taught in this school. And helping with meaningful homework shows me that her father and I made the right choice to provide a foundation for nurturing her innate desire to know more and stay true to her mantra: "I wanna do it myself!"

Signing up for the PTA, sharing ideas about child raising, and just being a fully engaged parent has made me want to be even more proactive and vigilant about making sure she is educated academically and culturally. This summer she marched in a parade at a butterfly festival and toured a mini-replica of Martin Luther King Jr.'s home at the National Black Arts Festival. With Spanish, computer lab and library visits all twice weekly at her school, and whether we enroll her in dance, gymnastics, karate or all three, she's going to be stimulated in so many ways.

Educational gifts like bilingual computers from people who love her and regular travel thanks to her father have me feeling more assured than ever that she will be prepared for whatever opportunities this shrinking global community has to offer.

This year will be filled with important lessons for Amber and me. And I am so excited about watching her grow into someone who loves to learn.

Thank you for your help, thoughts, prayers and well wishes along the way. Love you much, JD

11-year-old Interviews President Obama: Smart Kids Rule

This 11-year old young man did a fantastic interview with President Barack Obama. Take a break from the complex and frustrating news of the day, and check out the video of one young black brother who is already making his mark on the world.

He even dropped that he'd interviewed Vice President Biden, showing he's no newbie on the national journalism stage even though he's a pre-teen.

I love smart and talented kids! They are our future - Thank GOD!

Huffington Post: Damon Weaver, 11-year-old KEC TV News Team reporter from Kathryn E. Cunningham/Canal Point Elementary in Florida gets his interview with President Obama.

Are Journalists Control Freaks?

I'm having a disagreement with a friend, who believes that journalists have control issues. No. 1, he says, because they control the access to information and, No. 2, because journalists have to have a reason for everything. Basically he asserts that journalists cannot accept an answer without justification. And he thinks we're ALL like this.

So my journalist-friends, let me know what you think. I, of course, whole-heartedly disagree. And not because I don't have control issues, but because I don't think that all journalists have control as a major issue in their lives.

Journalists: Do you have to run everything in your life? Even if your friends, family and colleagues don't think that you're controlling them? Do you have to have an "acceptable" reason before you can understand why someone disagrees with you? Do other journalists you know share your mindset?

Speak up control freaks. And let me know if I'm talking about you. Or if you disagree with my friend, like I do.

Photo: The Bathers by Fernand Leger at the Museum of Fine Art, Montreal

Montreal Musings: Montreal Jazz Fest Day 1

Made it to Montreal for the Montreal Jazz Fest and I've decided I'll be tweeting, and blogging here about everything Montreal while I'm here. Check me out and enjoy. Its been fun, surprising and exciting so far. I gotta get a nap before checking out Melissa Laveaux and Kool and the Gang tonight. Keepin it jazzy, JD

3:10 p.m. In the airport there r downward sloping peoplemovers - great in theory unless ur wearing thong wedge sandals. Ouch

3:30 When the driver of the hotel shuttle turns on the radio, why am I surprised to hear French-speaking DJs introducing French pop music and Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.

3:35 Overheard on hotel bus: Spirited discussion btw new friends, Victoria, Human geography prof of Caribbean descent, & Troy, biology prof.

4:00 There's a 30 percent chance of rain & likelihood of overcast climate 4 my entire stay. But I don't care! I'm happy to be away. Feeling like the old Joyce, pre-house, pre-mommy, pre-responsibilities. Adventerous, creative, carefree. And yes I do feel guilty writing that. It's hard to deny who you are on the inside.

4:20 Been here 2 hours and just found out its Canada Day! Who knew?

4:30 Hotel shuttle driver says Benjamin Franklin was staying in the Governors House when he said that its easier to buy Canadians than it is to convince them to join us.

5:10 Met Mark Whitfield from Chris Botti's band in hotel elevator. "When I used to play these festivals 15, 20 years ago, they used to be free."

5:45 Got my press pass (with my picture on it) & tickets to about 10 great shows! WHOOOHOOO!

My Maxwell, Jamie Foxx & O'Jays Interviews for BET Knock Me Out

A month ago I had the opportunity to chat up Maxwell, Jamie Foxx and the O'Jays for articles I was writing about them for the BET Award Viewers Guide, which went out in one million newspapers on Friday, June 26.

Jamie's hosting, Maxwell is performing, and the O'Jays are being honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award. See what these amazing artists are gonna give you tonight on the BET Awards.

Maxwell Soulful, intelligent and down-to-earth, he was all about his trilogy of new albums, BlackSummersNight: "It's the dirtiest, most soulful kind of album-its just raw."


Jamie Foxx Hollywood hilarious and a hoot to interview, he was excited about the show. "It's the first BET Awards since having a black president and we really need to celebrate that."


Eddie LeVert of the O'Jays Appreciative and legendary, LeVert was honored that the O'Jays were being celebrated. "When you get to the crossover level of Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, James Brown, Luther Vandross and Frankie Beverly-people representing the epitome of R&B-it's like wow!"

My Toddler's Michael Jackson Afro

After three hours of CNN Michael Jackson mania, I'm picking out my 2-year-old's twists as she watches in the mirror.

Her: Toure has this hair. [ref to preschool classmate]

Me: He sure does have an afro.

Her: An afro?

Me: Yes. That's what your hair is called when its all puffed out.

Her: I have an afro!

Me: Yes you do!

Her: Michael Jackson has an afro, too!

Me: Yes he did baby, a big ole afro!

Her: I have a big ole Michael Jackson afro!

From the mouths of babes...leave your Michael Jackson memories or favorites here if you like. The above is one of mine. My first concert ever was the Victory Tour in Atlanta - cried, screamed and sang till my voice ran out. My favorite album is Off the Wall. And my favorite song is "Working Day and Night"-which the brother sho nuff did. Thank God for his musical legacy.

How can I get to the holy grail of congruence?

My daughter spends every other weekend with her father, leaving me with what should be a lovely few days to do what I want. And usually I spend the week making a list of the things I want and need to do.

But when Friday after work finally arrives, the plans to get my eyebrows waxed, my car washed, and my body moving around a track fall victim to the nap that engulfs me on the beckoning couch as I walk into the house.

Usually a few hours later, I'm up and back in I-can-still-make-this-a-productive-and-fun-and relaxing weekend. I delude myself with this pattern throughout the next two days, maybe getting a load of clothes washed, but not folded. Maybe calling one of the 9,000 friends and relatives who only know I'm alive because of email and word of mouth. Maybe reading and writing half of what I know I need to - deadlines looming. Definitely vegging out in front of some delicious Turner Classic Movie favorite.

So after I woke up from my nap and talked to my sweetie, I changed into my exercise gear intent on making it to the park. Several hours later, I've read and commented on 15 blogs that I follow, found some more, shed the workout clothes, and decided to write a post of my own.

The idea for this post came to me as I was reading about the meaning of congruence on a website link I found on Tea and Honeybread, a lovely essay-driven blog I picked up from my girl D's ever-stimulating blog MyBrownBaby.

From the link:

"Congruence is a name for that state in which every fiber of your being is in agreement. Wherever your attention is, it is undivided. Whether you are watching a sunset or changing a flat tire, no part of you is attending to something else. No part is whispering, "But you really have to start cooking dinner," or "I should have checked the air earlier." No part is imagining how the sunset could be improved by a little stronger orange, or thinking about getting new tires. No part is wanting to move because the position of your back is a bit uncomfortable."

Even while reading this, I was thinking, "Damn, I'm hungry," "Do I really want to read the rest of this?" "I wonder how my child will do in dance class tomorrow?" But I pressed on, realizing that this article was speaking particularly to me. And even though I did do a little speed-reading in the middle, I did get some good nuggets.

More on congruence:

"Congruence is particularly desired by people who are in fierce internal struggles with themselves, with disparate parts repeatedly warring over alternatives that are perceived to be important to their living."

All is not lost, though. I'm not a fool for searching for congruence. And I'm not abnormal for my regular bouts of incongruence. This part made me feel better:

"What is really satisfying is to have a dynamic balance between congruence and incongruence, and a full appreciation for the importance and value of both. Congruence allows us to concentrate fully on one experience temporarily, either to appreciate it fully and learn from it, or to get something done. Incongruence allows us to consider the infinite possibilities and consequences that living continually offers us. In order to maintain this balance, we need to understand and appreciate both sides of the balance well, have ways of detecting different kinds of imbalance, and have ways of restoring our balance when imbalance is detected."

So I'm off to try to do what I want and need to do for the rest of the weekend, keeping balance in mind. Hope you do the same. And if you don't, forgive yourself & try again the next day.

Living and learning, JD

Help: Books for the Sex Talk with Kids & Teens?

Hey folks,

A friend of mine is looking for books to use in having the sex talk with several kids ages 7 to 13 and I thought this would be good information to share. See her request below and if you can add to the short list I've gathered below that would be great! Thanks, JD

"I am seeking recommendations for books to assist me with the topic of SEX for my niece and nephews. My niece is a tween at the tender age of 10, and the boys are 13 (new teenager) and 7 (baby boy).

My sister is having a hard time with having this conversation with them as well as my mother, so it is up to me to do this the right way (if there is such a thing). Please recommend books that I can read to help me with the discussion as well as books that I can purchase for them to have and read.

Any advice and help you can give will be greatly appreciated."

Books About Sex for Kids and Teens





















Amazon List of Books About Talking With Children About Sex

Please post your suggestions, too!

Farai Chideya Kisses the Sky / Spelman Summer Science Program - High School Juniors & Seniors

Kiss the Sky
Check out my girl Farai Chideya's new book, Kiss the Sky, Essence Magazine book club pick for May. And if you're in Atlanta, she'll be participating in a "staged" reading of the book and a Q&A, as well as signing copies of the book at a FREE event on Sunday, May 17. Details in flyer to the left.

Spelman's Project SEED
Also if you've got high school juniors or seniors or you know anyone who does, please let them know about Spelman's Project SEED program, which offers a unique opportunity for high school students to spend the summer conducting scientific research with a scientist in a laboratory setting. They are paid $2800 for their participation and are eligible for travel awards and scholarships to college. Application deadline is May 15. Details at Spelman's Project SEED.

Book Blogs 4 Children & Teens / Children's Book Week - May 11-17

My plan was to compile a great list of book blogs and websites for literature for children and teens with an emphasis on African American authors and titles, but Kyra at Black Threads in Kids Lit already had a great list. Make sure you check out her blog and the few others I located below.

And remember May 11-17 is National Children's Book Week. There are probably some activities in your area, so check out your local libraries, book stores and book clubs. Happy Reading! jd

PBS Booklights - PBS Parents unveils a comprehensive blog focused on children's literature

Kidlitosphere - Children and young adult bloggers association

KidsLit - Books for toddlers through teens, plus reading, writing and more

Reality Check-A Sick Baby Trumps All

Tonight I pulled up to my driveway and pressed the garage door remote control several times before I realized nothing was going to happen. After getting out and punching the garage door keypad a few times to no avail, I was told by a neighbor that the power was out in our neighborhood.

My initial response was to get heated, then I looked back through my car window and saw my precious 2-year old daughter trying to kick a beach ball IN THE CAR and I just let it go. You see I was bringing my Amber home from a scary 4-day stay at a children's hospital for a serious bout with pneumonia.

She's fine. I'm relieved, thankful and truly blessed. There were some children there who were REALLY sick. Her doctor was treating another child who had what he believed to be a terminal illness.

So I'm appreciative of the time that I've had with my daughter so far and all of the years I pray are coming. This may sound like gushing, but I got calls, texts, emails and visits from well-wishers near and far. The "what can I do to help" offers were plentiful. My entire office made a video to wish Amber welcome home. And I know everybody doesn't have that kind of support. It is not going unnoticed.

Then to top it off, checking my email tonight, I received the most unexpected and thoroughly appreciated compliment from my friend Nicole, who I haven't seen in half a dozen years, but keep in touch with via Facebook and email regularly:

There are few women in the industry that have the ability to walk into any circle and bring sunshine to the conversation: You are one of the few.
There are few people in this world that always offer a kind inclusive smile and are intuitive to ask & really care about how you are doing: Again, you are in the number.
We always talk about getting up (never do) but our cordialness speaks volumes: I like to think queens recognize other queens.
Best of luck in all you do.

God smiled on me today through my daughter being released from the hospital and through Nicole's compliment to me. I love my baby and I love my life. I hope you appreciate whatever is going on in yours. Cause even the tough stuff can be good stuff.

Walls of Wonder: Need A Good Muralist?

When I first thought of getting a mural for my 2 1/2 year old daughter's room, the idea was to have one scene of something cute, maybe black ballerinas - which would have been lovely. But after viewing the website of my muralist, the superfantastic Damon Danielson of Divine Image Graphics, I had butterflies on the brain. Plus, anybody that knows me knows I'm a proud nerd, who could never have a child that didn't love to crack the spine of a book as often as she was awake.

Amber is just such a child, so I decided to immortalize her doing what she loves under a beautiful tree. I know we're in the age of technology where the Internet rules and newspapers fail, but I pray she'll grow into a child that devours and savors the books she reads. There's nothing like getting lost in a fantastical tale, the kind that kept me up late at night with a flashlight reading under my covers long after my parents' imposed bed time. And I also want my daughter to appreciate and explore the beauty of the outdoors and the wonder that is inspired by such delicate creatures as butterflies.

Damon can create something just as unique as Amber's room for between $500 and $700 (I had the walls painted myself for under $200). Don't know if he travels outside the ATL area, but for those of you in town with a need for murals, portraits, children's book illustrations, check him out and tell him I sent you.

Amber's room is well on its way to being a dreamy toddler's paradise...now for the garage...Pray for me...jd

You? Racist? Noooooo.....

So my girl over at 40 Something Sister disclosed a politically incorrect moment she had recently and snapped me back a few years to one of my most embarrassing experiences when I was about 25-years old. I threw a small fit behind the back of the celeb owner of a high profile restaurant in NYC when he decided to finish signing the autographs of two white young ladies before he addressed my journalistic inquiry. Unfortunately he overheard my inappropriate remarks and proceeded to use some serious profanity in throwing me out of his establishment. Several lessons learned - the hard way.

One, I was being ignorant and arrogant. Two, I was being racist. And three, I was just plain old wrong. I feel the same way as my girl, who regrets what she said, but unfortunately I was hustled out of the spot so fast that I did not get the opportunity to apologize. Just young and dumb. Yeah I'm sure I've made some suspect comments since I was 25, but not so blatantly stupid or thoughtless - even if they were wrong. Check out my girl's post, Me? Racist? Oops and let us know if you've had these moments and how you feel about them. Thank God I'm not the only one that's not perfect.

And because it fits so well with this post, I just had to add this link to Jill Nelson's column on The Huffington Post, The Audacity of Whiteness: Framing Barack Obama. Jill don't play. Stay real, JD

The Freaky Deacon and the Yuck Mouth Old School Player - Online First Dates

Check out me and my sister-in-law at The Root Ball with our man, President Barack Obama - ahight!!

So on to the online dating: About six months back after being on E-harmony for about a year, I finally hooked up with a guy that had "potential." We talked for a few months and he sounded pretty cool - football coach, side gig as tour guide in DC, jazz musician who toured internationally with high school performing arts band, beautiful singing voice, educated, fit and the leader of about eight ministries in his church. All was going well, except for a few times that I had to tell him to turn down the phone sex talk, especially since we'd never laid eyes on each other.

I happened to be going to DC a few months after we started talking and we decided to meet. Fairytale meeting - Union Station, me looking glam walking toward him sitting and shaking his head at my approach. He was attractive (not drop dead, but not hard to look at) and clearly so was I - he explained an hour into the date that he couldn't look me in the face because I was "so damned beautiful." 10 points!

Unfortunately right after we ate, I spotted a critter roaming the floors of the restaurant and the date went downhill from there. He begged for a kiss right outside the restaurant cause he "couldn't take it anymore." I obliged cause I was curious too. Not too bad, but my stomach didn't flip and I immediately thought about re-applying my lipgloss.

"Lets take a drive," he proposed. "Cool," I answered, having no idea we'd end up at Haines Point, the make out spot I hadn't visited since I was in college. He parks the car and makes a bit of small talk (about Jesus and then the nasty - go figure?). The next think I know, he's going all octopus on me.

He immediately stops when I seriously refuse his advances with the whole "we're just meeting, lets take it down a thousand" reasoning. But I was already making up my mind that he was not the one. We talked for a while more and I realized I had to use the ladies room.

It was really late, like 2 in the morning and he proposed that he take me to his house where I could use the restroom (Him: "You don't want to use a dirty gas station, do you?). (I KNOW! I KNOW! STRANGER DANGER - but I'm skipping the part about how much I learned about him and how I'd had him investigated through my Negro Geography Network)). Strangely enough I trusted him enough to go to his house, but I made him promise that he'd try no more funny business.

Fast forward to me coming out of the bathroom. When I went in the whole house was lit, when I came out only one light was on in one room - the bedroom. The lights were candles and the boy had done changed clothes into some type of leisure attire.

I made it clear I wanted to go and after a weak attempt at convincing me to stay, he graciously took me back to my car. When I got back to the ATL, I made sure we spoke less and less until we weren't really speaking anymore. But every now and then, I'll get a voice mail or text message from him that will start out all nice and sweet and/or religious, and then turn totally out of control freaky - I mean the kind of talk your momma would get the soap out for. A good mouth washing, you hear me?

Haven't been on E-harmony since, but my girlfriend has and her experience was a bit different. Nice guy, industrial engineer, intelligent, music writer/producer on the side, had performed in a past life with well-known music artists, nice crib, sweet and catering, as described by my friend. They met for breakfast after a week of talking and, oh boy. He said he was 51, but his smoky, filmy eyes, dry appearance and Member's only type wind breaker paired with a buttoned up gray sweater over a shiny black shirt, screamed he was in the Geritol generation - and my girl ain't ready for that.

Besides being "a bag of bones," she said (and she's a thick shapely sister), the deal breaker for her was the jumbled up teeth. Some were missing at the bottom, she said, and all were the color of someone who couldn't have had any dental work in the last 20 years. The first thing she said in her call to me after the date was, "the search continues."

And so it does. She was searching for the phone number of another E-harmony potential as we were about to hang up, and the Geritol guy was calling her. Bummer for her. As for me, I've got a nice little iron in the fire and I think its heating up...

Got some online dating stories you wanna share? I'm down to hear them, cause my one was a TOTAL bust and I hope I don't have to go back there.

Keeping hope alive, jd

PS..okay so not long after I posted this, a Facebook friend of mine recognized Mr. Freaky Deacon. She'd met him on E-Harmony, too, and her experience was not like mine. They just didn't spark. So of course I'm wondering if I brought the freak out of this deacon. Hmmmmm...

My Girl D and Her Brown Baby

There's this badass girl, with a badass husband, some incredibly gifted children, and a badass home. Nicknamed Bertha Stewart, she can put her foot in a pot and have you sucking the remnants of her culinary creations off your fingers. Yeah her kids take cooking, Mandarin and horseback riding lessons, AND have an art gallery of their work in their home. Yeah her sexy, sassy, classy style is impeccable (you'll never catch her slipping). But the baaaadest thing about this girl, and I mean the baaaaaaaaaaaadest thing, is her talent.

Denene Millner is a confident writer who knows how to work her finely-tuned instrument. A connoisseur of culture, she possesses a unique voice that is both sophisticated and sister girl. My friend is so on point and on fire sometimes that I have slapped my screen with a "right right, an "I feel you" or "go 'head girl." A few words from her will make you want to take some action. Witty as all get out, she'll have your sides aching at her observations and objections. And if she gets on you, you will be bruised and educated.

Denene don't play. She's an award-winning journalist who's been published in everything from the New York Daily News to Essence and Parenting. A relationship guru, she's authored of 17 books, fiction and non-fiction for adults and teens. She gets book deals so often that the ink doesn't dry on one before the next opportunity pops up. If you didn't hear me before - she's baaaaaad.


What is so exciting to me about Denene is that she is TOTALLY committed to raising the best black children she can - by any means necessary. Hence the launch of her blog, My Brown Baby . And she's willing to share her experiences, ideas, findings, battles and inspirations. The posts are great. Denene has written about everything from the power of her mother's mac & cheese to using music videos as a teachable moments and critiquing the New York Times for undermining a study about more black children being raised by two parents. The girl has even gathered a cadre of incredible contributors, who have insightful and useful, takes on parenting and everything else that goes along with child rearing. And she's had fantastic giveaways - designer children's clothes, nursery furnishings, and glam stationary.

I met Denene back in 2000 when I was feeling myself a bit as the newest editor at Honey Magazine. She came on board as the features editor a few months later and proceeded to show me how it was done - literally. When I got the assignment to write a cover story on my favorite singer at the time, Mary J. Blige, I turned in 6,000 words for the 1,500-word assignment.

Denene called me over to sit with her, suggesting we edit it together. About an hour later, it was the tightest, most fire profile that my name had ever been attached to. It was so hot that at the release party for that issue, Mary J. caused a ruckus trying to get at me (she tried to flex, for real) because of the way we'd honestly portrayed her chaotic life at that time and what she'd let slip in her interview). The article wasn't malicious. It was accurate, entertaining and well written - thanks to D.

Like I said, Denene don't play. That's why when she breaks it down; it is forever - evah evah - broke. Don't get me wrong; Denene isn't all heat and flames. She's sweet as can be (I recently admired a bag of hers and a brand spanking new one was delivered to me by FedEx from her with in a few days). D's fire comes from an overflowing core of love. She's a warrior for love.

That's where My Brown Baby came from - her deep and abiding love for her children and all those other brown babies who have to face this big ole bad world sometimes. So check it out, and tell her I sent you. JD

The Big 3-8 and 20 Years Outta High School

So I was reading my high school graduation autograph book last night and I literally fell out laughing at my classmates funnies, memories and so called advice about college. High school was certainly something. Excerpts at the bottom of this post.

As I approach the beginning of my 38th year this week and my 20th high school reunion in May (who the hell knows if I'll go), I'm taking stock of what I've done, where I am and how I feel about myself. And right now, in this moment, actually for the past few months, I've been feeling pretty damned good about myself.

I'm hot. Great life. BEAUTIFUL baby girl, rewarding gig, homeowner, second novel nearly done...I'm doin' the damned thing. I mean sometimes you just gotta big up yourself. Anybody feel me?

Yes, the economy is affecting me just like everybody else I guess (I lost a chunk of freelance change recently). But you know what? Unexpected income has shown up and showed out, plus I've also gotten a gang of "Damn you looking good" comments lately. I'm working out regularly, eating better, cooking lots more, tracking where I spend every penny, getting more domestic (hanging curtains and all), getting my pamper on, just being more responsible and good to myself (which feels superfantastic).

The last time I felt this good, I got a great gig. The time before that, I got pregnant. The time before, a man came into my life. The time before that, I bought a house. And the times before that, I moved back to my hometown, got a book deal, got a dream job.

See my pattern? That's how my life has been. When I'm living right and treating myself good, God is working it out. And the way I'm feeling now (I'm loving the sound of 38. 37 was okay, but 38 is sexy, savvy and saucy)- I know that God has got something big planned for me.

So come on 38! Come on 20-year high school reunion! Maybe a miracle will happen and I'll break down and go. If anyone knows any of the 8 black students in the Class of '89 from The Westminster Schools in Atlanta, or shoot, any of the few other colored folks in the classes above or below '89, tell them to get at me. Shoot 'em a link to this post - they have got to see the silly stuff they wrote in my autograph book.

Be good to yourselves. Enjoy every thing in every day. Peace and hair grease - showin' my age ain't I? :)

jd

Joyce's 1989 Autograph Book (I had lots of names, y'all)

Joyce,
It was nice having you roll them eyes at me every time we saw each other and I'll always remember you as a nutty crazy girl...Have fun at Howard.

Elaine, Joyce, Dee Dee (and whatever else!)
I can't believe we're going to be out of Westminster (sh--, Yes I do. The Lord knows we've suffered enough)...Anyway, have fun at Howard and say hello to "Cockroach" for me."

Yo Yo!
Well its gwan be like dis: we be missin you but we'll hang dough...well...my name is OJ and I'm here to say, I got a brand new Cavalier from Chevrolet. A wickey, wickey, wickey!! Its a shame I can't think of anything to say, seein as how you be leevin..Its funny how we all started out at each other's necks and ended up so close. Next year just won't be the same. I'm really going to miss you.

Joyce,
Now you are moving on to bigger and better things (Howard guys!), you think you're something don't you? (snap-snap) We will miss your loudness and rolling eyes. Think of us back here while you are PARTYING!

Joyce, Elaine, etc...
Remember all you gotta do is be black and die...May the best times you have be the worst you ever see...don't let anyone steal your dreams.

Elaine,
You know you are crazy, but deep down inside (heaven knows how deep), you are a nice person. Have a great time at Howard & stay FINE, but not LOUD.

Yo Watsup Joyce,
You are free from this school and you're leaving all your poor friends behind HERE. When you are a freshman in college, remember us poor little kids in high school. You BETTER keep in touch. I will be up there next year during homecoming and I WANT TO PARTY.

Joyce,
We have been best friends for two years now - through the good & bad times, through Keith Sweat, Guy, Two Live Crew, 'Skegee (tee-hee!!). But my hand hurts at this particular moment, so I will continue later...

Elaine,
Thanks for all the advice on all the girl problems of mine. But most of all thanks for being a great friend; you'll always be in my heart.

Elaine,
In the words of the immortal God, me, don't smoke, drink, or uncross your legs at college. Remember freshmen are just fresh meat to guys. Have fun.

Gifts & Books That Celebrate Our Children

When I was young my mother used to get out the crayons when it was time to send Christmas cards (or any kind of card for that matter). You see we had to color brown the cherub-faced angels that did not look like us. These days things are a lot different. TheRoot.com has gathered lots of gifts that celebrate children of color in these lists. And there's some book picks for adults in here, too. Thanks Meera and Felicia. Happy holidays, jd


The Ultimate Santa Gift Guide
By Meera Bowman-Johnson | TheRoot.com
Choo-choo trains, Obama coloring books, Mancala and other gift ideas for kids.

Dec. 15, 2008--Santa might be a little strapped for cash this year, but if your kids are anything like mine, they won't be trying to hear that on Christmas morning. It's true; it's the thought that counts, and many Americans just might be on the verge of busting out the depression glass this year.

But most kids I know today aren't programmed to take nicely to handmade gifts in the same way that Great Aunt Mattie might take to some homemade bath salts. Kids these days are savvy enough to know what came from the 99-cent store and what didn't. They have a knack for knowing when Uncle Jr. really wasn't trying. And some can even tell what's been regifted.

But don't give up just yet—with this handy gift guide, you can put smiles on the faces of the important little ones in your life. Best of all, you can do it without emptying Santa's pockets entirely or racking your brain to find just the right thing.

See the list at The Ultimate Santa Gift Guide

The Root's Holiday Book Guide
By Felicia Pride | TheRoot.com
Gift ideas for adults, teens and kids.

Dec. 12, 2008--Books are fool-proof gifts. Not just because they virtually last forever, unlike that fruitcake or sweater that shrinks after one wash, but also because they're affordable in these tough economic times. And, just think, you can take care of everyone on your list with one trip to your local bookstore. That alone should relieve some of the pressure of getting through this holiday season.

There really is a book for everyone and especially for the person who has everything. To get you started, here are some ideas for adults, young people and children.

See list at The Root's Holiday Book Guide

Beyonce, Booty Shaking and Child Raising

So I was having this conversation with a friend the other day about Beyonce's new video for Single Ladies. And I was telling her how much the hip rolling, the grinding, or whatever that pelvic action is, was bothering me. And of course the conversation turned to our toddler daughters. While I have nothing against dance (took all kinds for more than 10 years in my youth), I cannot imagine my child dancing like that and it being okay. My friend said that she could not judge how Beyonce was dancing, but of course she wouldn't necessarily desire for her child to be hip rolling in a video.

The conversation got me to thinking about being judgmental. Am I judgmental if I'm disappointed in my child for choosing a career where part of it required her to straight booty-shake (like Beyonce does in Check On It)? Honestly my daughter is a remarkable looking girl. And I can say that because I had nothing to do with her looks. It was all God, of course. I call her the girl with the golden eyes because they literally are. Anyhoo, even though I've been encouraged to enter her into modeling a kazillion times, I've always shied away from this path because I want her to respect herself, command respect, and place more value in her intellect and creativity than her looks.

Is this wrong? Am I short-changing her for not capitalizing on her looks? I mean college ain't cheap and some catalog modeling wouldn't hurt her education fund. She already gets an inordinate amount of attention (which I sincerely appreciate, but keep in perspective). The way she looks is a blessing, but I don't want her to value that more than any other part of her that is not as visible. There are lots of things I like about Beyonce. I think she's one of the hardest-working women in the show business. But its not necessarily the life I'd want for my child because of the overwhelming emphasis on physical appearance.

If my daughter were Beyonce's attorney, the vice president of her record label, or a songwriter, would I still feel the same even though she'd be supporting a career that I feel has a something to do with booty shaking? I probably wouldn't feel the same serious objections. Is that wrong? Am I controlling? Am I a hypocrite? Honestly, I feel like I'm all of those most of the time. I did my time in the clubs (fa real) and in my 20s I certainly wore some things and shook some things sometimes that might have showcased more than my intelligence. But you know what? I can't help how I feel now. And just as my parents steered me to do more with what was inside my head than my appearance (although I can't hold a candle to my striking child), I plan to do the same for my precious gift from God.

Whatever she feels about the decisions her father and I make for her over the next 16 years, I hope she realizes that they come from loving and caring parents who just want her to be able to take advantage of all the positive opportunities available to her. And if she's as pissed as I was for most of my youth, I hope she'll forgive me as I eventually forgave my parents.

Love is hard. JD

BET's Bob Johnson Launching a New Network?

He's baaaaack....I wonder what type of programming will really be included in "public affairs, lifestyle and health programming along with some entertainment fare" as described below. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out... jd

Johnson Sets Sights On New Urban Cable Network
BET Founder Eyes Must-Carry Under 'Share-Time' License With Ion Media
By R. Thomas Umstead -- Multichannel News, 11/25/2008 7:16:00 PM

Black Entertainment Television founder Bob Johnson is looking to get back into the cable network business.

Johnson, along with the Ion Media Networks, is petitioning the Federal Communications Commission to grant a newly formed, Johnson-owned, African-American-targeted digital network must-carry status under “share time” licenses.

According to the petition, Johnson’s RLJ Companies, LLC would own 51% of newly created Urban Television LLC -- Ion would hold 49% of the venture -- and the service would operate as part of ION’s digital channel offerings in 42 markets. Ion currently offers kid-targeted Qubo and lifestyles-oriented Ion Life as multicast digital stations.

According to an Ion and RLJ joint statement, the proposed share-time arrangement would allow Urban Television to operate “a continuous television program service aimed at serving the needs and interests of urban viewers and traditionally underserved minority communities. Urban Television will be a new addition to the current broadcast channel lineup, and Ion Media Networks will continue to operate its own broadcast networks.”

Further, the petition reads: “In order the avoid disputes with [cable and satellite distributors] that would undermine any realistic opportunity of Urban’s fledgling station group to survive, the parties respectively request that the Commission confirm, concurrent with the grant of this application, that Urban … would be entitled to carriage under the Commission’s rules.”

Although the network has yet to finalize its programming plans, Traci Otey Blunt, vice president of communications and public affairs for RLJ said Urban Television will most likely offer public affairs, lifestyle and health programming along with some entertainment fare.

“We want to create programming that will respond to what the marketplace is seeking,” she said. “We’re not locked into anything yet, but if we’re successful and move forward I don’t think there would be a lack of [programming] opportunities focusing on the urban market.

The venture would mark Johnson’s return to cable after he sold BET -- which he founded in 1981 -- to Viacom for $3 billion in 2000.

“The thing about Mr. Johnson is that he never turns down an opportunity and he’s a very strong entrepreneur,” she said. “In the end it’s an opportunity that will benefit the consumer, so he’s moving forward to see what the FCC will do regarding this process.”

Otey Blount would not say whether Johnson would go ahead with the venture if the FCC fails to grant the service must-carry status.

Wash Post: Black women see themselves in Michelle Obama

Interesting piece...the personal conversations that black women are having, at least the ones I've been having, seem to be getting into the national press.

Check out some excerpts below or read the piece at Washington Post: Black women see bits and pieces of themselves in Michelle Obama - and let me know what you think...jd

..."I have no doubt that she is prepared for the challenge," said Lani Guinier, a Harvard Law School professor and onetime Clinton nominee for a top Justice Department post. "She and her husband embody a very healthy relationship. That in itself is quite a public and political statement."

For Portia Pedro, 29, a third-year student of Guinier's, the hope "for young black professional women that's embodied in Michelle Obama is a bit different from the hope invested in Barack Obama." "There is a not-so-silent concern that you are less likely to get married and less likely to have children," Pedro said. "The career part is not in question, but can you do that and be married and have a family? If she can do that, then it opens possibilities for other black women."

...It would be too trivial to say that she is smashing stereotypes of black women, because the stereotypes are so flat, so unreal, that smashing them would be like punching a cloud.

"There's the stereotype of the powerful black woman, the aggressive black woman; there is the stereotype of the over-sexualized, overly sexed black woman; there is the stereotype of the mammy," says Aziza Gibson-Hunter, 54, of Washington, a conceptual artist and mother of four.

What she sees in Michelle Obama is strength: "I saw it in my mother. When I was a kid, I saw it in the women in the church, this dignified strength. I think that is real...

"What this whole situation is doing is inviting people to look behind the projections in their own minds and maybe begin to do some work to deconstruct some of that and find the truth."

Joyce in the 80s: A Curl, A Weave and Asymmetrical Stacks Made Me the Ultimate Fly Girl

Yep, I had 'em all in the 80s — a curl, several weaves and the all important asymmetrical stacks. If you caught me in the 70s, you would have seen my Stevie Wonder-Patrice Rushen braids. I moved into the 90s with my Halle Berry-Anita Baker cut, then I showcased my Janet Jackson braids, a Caesar, a Bahamadia lined-up 'fro, and more braids, braids and more braids. I snuck loudly out of the 90s with a sunfire fro, started the millennium with a braided weave and have been locking for 5 years and counting...its been a journey...who knows whats next...

I got in the throwback hair mode because someone mentioned Fly Girl in a meeting I had today. And since my Monday was waaaay too Monday, I went on an 80s binge and that did that trick.

So get out your gold chains and your fresh kicks and wop it out!

jd
(still 3 times dope)


The "U Ain't Fresh" Playlist

Fly Girl - The Boogie Boys

You Ain't Fresh - The Boogie Boys

LA Dream Team - Dream Team Is In The House

Jam On It - Newcleus

Play At Your Own Risk - Planet Patrol

Just Buggin - Whistle

Sally - Stetsasonic

Top Billin - Audio Two

Criminal Minded - Boogie Down Productions

I Ain't No Joke - Eric B & Rakim

Cooking Goddesses: Help Please

Hey Culinary Artists,
So I created a pretty good dish tonight while watching all the DNC speechifyin, but I think it needs something and I'd love for you guys to try it and tell me what you think it needs. I think like some cous cous (which I have no idea how to prepare) or something...

Spinach, Shrimp & Sundried Tomatoes

5 oz package of spinach
half a pound of shrimp
sundried tomatoes - big handful
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons I Can't Believe Its Not Butter
garlic powder - more than a couple of shakes
adobo seasoning - couple shakes
salt-couple shakes
pepper - couple shakes
lemon juice - couple shakes

My shrimp and spinach were frozen so I thawed the spinach with the auto defrost in the microwave and just threw the shrimp in the pan frozen on medium high heat. When the shrimp was about 3/4ths cooked, I drained the liquid, added the salt, garlic, adobo, butter and olive oil. I sauteed the shrimp in all that for about 90 seconds, then I added the spinach (thawed but still a little cold). I sauteed that mixture for about 2 minutes, then added the sundried tomatoes and tossed it around for about 2 more minutes. Then when I tasted it, I felt it needed something else, so I added the pepper and the lemon juice, took it off the heat and tossed it around for like 10 seconds. It was fan-freaking-tastic then!!

I ate and totally enjoyed it, but I think it could use some kind of something, not rice, but something in that vein...

If you can, try it and let me know what you think...

Thanks for helping me out in my cooking adventures.

You know they are few and far between. Holla, jd

I ain't got time...I ain't got time...

Since I'm writing, writing, writing my book, due in a bit more than a month, I hate that I don't have time to attend to this blog, which I love. So I thought I'd plug you into some writers that I am loving.

First up is Meera Bowman-Johnson, a former co-worker from a young black woman's mag from some years back. She's got great perspective on all things colored (pun intended). She writes for TheRoot.com. Check her out...and send me some writing good wishes...I'm 100 pages down with at least half that to go...holla, jd

Skin Deep
By Meera Bowman-Johnson | TheRoot.com
Yes, Beyoncé's skin looks lighter in the L'Oreal ad. Here's why you shouldn't take it personally.

Aug. 21, 2008--In a past life, I was the associate art director at an African-American women's magazine, responsible for hiring beauty photographers, and then using the images to illustrate the stories. From covering braid trends to microdermabrasion, it was a beautiful experience. (What other job would let me get a way with spending the day at a spa and still pay me for it?) One of the biggest perks was working with celebrities who trusted my judgment to help make them look good....more at Skin Deep.

I Told Andre Benjamin That I Wanted To Have His Baby

Back in the day, I was a brave girl when it came to approaching men. All through my 20s (when I frequented the NY and DC club scenes) I had a surefire way of getting the attention of a man that I had eyes for. I'd buy him a drink. No one ever turned me down. And nine times out of 10 if I wanted to keep him around after our one-drink conversation, I'd have him all primed and ready to buy the next round or two or three (I said this was my 20s, remember?).

My confidence with men was really a spill over from how well I was doing in my professional career through the nineties and the fact that I had to beat the men off with a stick during all 4 years I attended Howard University.

But by age 30, people were coupling up, getting married, and I'd cooled off on the clubs. Being an entertainment journalist, I still had to check them out every now and then. When I moved back to Atlanta right after 9-11, I had to reacquaint myself with my hometown, which was a bit more sophisticated than I'd left it when I went to college in 1989. So big head (from cool new gig at a national mag) in tow, I frequented every listening party, backstage event, and invite-only thing in town.

And at every other event, I'd run into a man that left me speechless—a pretty hard feat. Now like many Atlantans, I went through a 10-year period when Outkast was the end-all, be-all of hip hop. And probably like lots of women, I had some pretty explicit fantasies about Andre Benjamin. This was Georgia-bred boy (yes ma'am, no sir), a writer, who was just nasty nice—on the mic, on the screen, and fa sho' in person.

They brought some sweet tea-peach cobbler home to my New York life when they blew up the charts in the late 90s and took the hip hop scene south. I'd see kids singing all the words to Ms. Jackson, but they knew nothing about Southernplayalistic. By the time I made it back to Atlanta in 2001, they were huge. Doing my job, I'd be at some event all mellowed out and in Andre would walk, or should I say glide, dip, stroll—all that. My whole demeanor would change. This was a brother I really had a hard time being in the same room with.

Several times I was introduced to him and all I could get out was something stupid like, "Hi." Well, and y'all know what’s coming, there was this one night at Visions, the most poppin club in ATL (besides Club 112) at the time. And a co-worker and I had had a couple of martinis, the DJ had spun about 4 or 5 Outkast songs in row, and I was "feelin it." You know, I had my eyes closed, dancing with no one in particular—in my own world.

I opened my eyes to find Andre standing right in front of me. And no, I was not dreaming. He was actually there, talking to one of his boys. I don't know what came over me, but before I knew it, I'd grabbed him by his arm and pulled him to me, whispering in his ear, "Now you know you should go on and let me have your baby."

What is so wild is that this joker did not miss a beat. He leaned over to me and, smooth as silk, said "Let me go and get a drink first." I'm sure I didn't move an inch, watching him walk to the bar. In my mind, he could have done with me whatevah evah evah evah he wanted right then—in the club.

I wish I could tell you that he came back and we danced the night away, got married, and had a slew of creative babies. But of course you know that's not the way it turned out. Maybe hitting the bar was his getaway line, but regardless, his people took him somewhere and I didn't see him anymore that night. When I came to (so to speak) I was so distraught and embarrassed that the impression I'd left with Andre was of a straight groupie, something that no self-respecting entertainment journalist can ever allow themselves to be.

Okay, so I was not raised to act like this. My momma always told me that sex should happen between two people who have a deep and abiding love for each other. And I really believe that. How could I just propose procreation to a man I didn't even know? But sometimes we all take leave of our senses, right? Well I'll speak for myself. At that moment in time, when I asked Andre to be my baby daddy, not a soul on this earth could make me believe that I wasn't as serious as collard greens and cornbread.

Thank GOD I don't feel that way about Andre anymore, mostly because I'm finally a grown up (I guess). And thank GOD even more that he didn't come back to me from the bar. This story might have been x-rated.

Practicing "Da Art of Storytellin," jd

Oh and check out a couple of interesting and kind of opposite viewpoints about Obama.

Places, Please! Arrogant is the new uppity.—The Black Snob
"And Massa said, "Who let you in here? Yes, you. With that inconveniently independent mind armed with facts. With your standing up straight and talking white, looking The Man directly in the eye. Just who do you think you are? Because you're not me. You're nothing like me who is better than you. So you are an insult to me. You refute my long-held beliefs about you so you must be proven wrong."

What Camp Obama Has in Common With the Bushes—TheRoot.com
The Cool One's campaign thinks anything off-message is aiding the enemy. Sound familiar?

Writing in the Heartbreak Hotel

Tuesday, August 11, 2:06 p.m.: Why is it that when your personal life goes all to hell, you either write the best shit you’ve ever written in your life, or you stare at the blank computer screen like its the MF you felt wronged you? I don’t know. But I’ve been alternately in both places for the past 4 hours. One moment, the ideas are flying so fast, my fingers can barely keep up. Then half an hour later, my emotional drama creeps in causing mind-numbing, creative-blocking interruptions along with bouts of tears that my sap-hating personality is sickened by. I’m a mess. But I’m gonna keep on writing. Something good has to come out of all this heartache. If you can, send some good vibes my way and pray I don’t take a sledgehammer to this damned laptop before I can get my emotions back in check.

Tuesday, August 11, 11:22 p.m.: What a difference nine hours can make. So I did not murder my laptop. As a matter of fact, I reeled myself back to reality by:
1. Being productive (very important for Capricorns) by writing 9 pages in my novel to add to the 9 I'd written the day before.
2. Treating myself to a delicious Rainbow Roll and the biggest $4.50 glass of plum wine I've ever had (@ the sushi bar at Camp Creek Marketplace for those of y'all in the ATL)
3. Listening to NPR's Farai Chideya interview Lalah Hathaway about her slamming new album
4. Soaking for hours in bubbles and baby oil, while forcing myself to read a self-help (aghast!!) article on finding happiness in Essence (July 08 issue for those in need). Those of you that know me know that all things self-help send me running in the opposite direction. But these days I'm finding them useful, and this particular story was GREAT.
5. Coming up with some wild ideas for this blog. Just wait. On tap are stories about me and Andre 3000, how I'm feeling about black love, and the bizarre things my child is doing.
6. Counting my blessings, especially the one where my daughter turned 2 at a birthday party on Saturday attended by 40 people who love her dearly.
7. And having several side-splitting and thoughtful conversations with close friends and family.

These may sound corny, but they worked for me. Hopefully I won't have to do them all again tomorrow. I don't think I have the energy.

Hey, did I mention that I wrote 9 pages today!?!?!?!

Take good care of yourselves, jd